We all wonder why relationships and marriages are so fragile nowadays - there are a lot of single parenting issues, and the answer to most questions is, "It's the new Generation .... they have no patience, they are stubborn and like the freedom."
However, the most important drawback of our life style is the way we interact physically and mentally with others, humans like us if you will. "Humans like us? I have lots of friends and colleagues at work I interact with every day," I hear you say.
Research has shown that - actions are better than words; what actions can do, words can't. Yet, we keep our new generation away from this truth.
I often hear myself telling my kids, "You can't talk to your parents like that! We never treated our parents like you do; we had a lot of respect for them." What happens next is the poor child wonders what wrong has he done. He doesn't know the errors he is making. We, as parents, see the blank looks on their faces, but make a point to tell them that they have made a mistake. We forget that they are just words and not actions.
When we interact and live with different members of family at home - aunts, uncles, grandparents; our actions at home and the way we behave leaves an imprint on our children. The child will learn to talk, love and respect us the way we talk, love and respect our parents and family, and there won't be any need to 'tell' them the right conduct.
Children learn a lot from what they see around them. They do not have only their parents to idealize with, but they have other options and the intelligence to compare 'what's working' and 'what's not working' in others' relationships. At the same time, they will learn to deal with other kids of all ages. Sometimes, even idealizing one of them who they feel is being loved the most. A child's barometer is his feelings, and when exercised well, it works at its best.
When little kids interact with big and small people at the same time, they learn the art of interaction with relationships. Here, the saying, "Practice makes a man perfect," is an apt example of what children learn from living with a big family.
- And a lot more. Not only do these lessons provide aid in family relationships, but also gives us the knowledge to deal with people outside of our homes - bosses, colleagues in work places, friends circle, etc. Dealing with various situations becomes a natural thing which has been learned from a young age.
One might think that having grandparents come over, or meeting up with friends is an option, still a way to interact with others and learn; while these forms of interactions are better than not having them at all, it does not provide the same education that living in one house with various people does. Living in the same house drops the false self of 'me,' we can't keep up with a facade when we live together, so our real self emerges and we are relaxed. It is in this relaxed mode where our minds grasp most values and lessons, and our intelligence compares the pros and cons.
The greatest drawback of today's life style is the main reason for this recurring issue, and if we do not pay heed to it, the burning wild fire won't stop.
When I was a child, everyone lived in joint families. Over time, I have come to appreciate the advantages of this kind of schooling.
Along with the others who had this opportunity, we were all fortunate to go to this great school where learning was fun and brought a lot of love and a few tears mixed together, just the perfect blend that showed the meaning of "LIFE".
Anita Vatvani , 23/02/2011
Please let me know what you think about this article.
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